i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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