So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
