whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
