Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
