If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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