Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
