you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
