I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
