All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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