so explain again why im purple
no
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
