Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
