I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
