4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
