If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's Friday. Sex?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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