I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
