i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You ruined the universe
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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