Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
