Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
