Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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