we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
