I wish I could teleport
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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