You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
