I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
