do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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