a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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