i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
