he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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