I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
