I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
