4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
