Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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