ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
