Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
