The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
