but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
