There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
