Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
