She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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