I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
