I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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