Are we in a gay sports bar?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
