I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
