cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
