I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
