You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
