drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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