I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
