No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
