we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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