I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
