A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
