Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
