It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
