Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
