I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
