Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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