It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
