saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
