whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
