Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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