I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
