im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
