I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
