I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
