hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
