my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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