1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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