I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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