we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
