I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
