I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
