Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
