Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A bitchslap is in order.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
