ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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