You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
