THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
