In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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