oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
