if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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