everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
