it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
