The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
