I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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